Since the last time I did anything here, a lot has happened. My husband can no longer walk, speak, or sit up. He is bedbound and cannot be left alone for long periods of time. He also had a peg tube put in since he has been aspirating while eating and drinking. His mind is still there,it's his body that has decided to quit. It's been hard,but I love him too much to quit. Everyday I remember how hard it was, but I survived. It keeps me optimistic.
    What's sad is I don't even remember when I started this draft, but I can tell you things are different now. My husband died in July 2017. MS is not something to be casual about or think that everything will be just fine. I did not know that pneumonia was the major thing that would kill an MS patient.
   Anyway, this has been one of the hardest years of my life, and I have been through a lot. I lost my best friend. I lost my soulmate. I lost the only person who has ever loved me fully, flaws and all. And given my rough upbringing, I have been shown that I am stronger than I ever could have imagined. I have not attempted suicide, or drowned my sorrows in a bottle. I keep my head up, and hope that I will find another companion that is just as compassionate and strong as he was.
   He may have been the one that was disabled, but he was my caregiver while he could be. That man was one of the purest people I have ever known. Hell, his friends could even tell you how saintly and fantastic that man was. He knew how to listen, really listen. He wasn't waiting to tell you you were wrong, or to point out weaknesses in your logic or soul. He wanted to hear how you said your words so that he could fully understand why you were in pain, feeling happiness, needing help, etc. He wanted to celebrate with you, or show you that you were loved, and taken seriously. He could also joke with the best of them, he loved to laugh, smile, smoke his cigarettes and drink his sweet tea, or Mt. Dew or coffee. He knew when I was hurt, why, and how if I pushed him away, I always came back to him. He gave me my space, and never judged me for needing it. How am I going to find that again?
    I may come back to this and just rant like I normally would. I don't know.