Lost

I have been feeling very sad lately, as usual, but it's going into the suicidal area as of late. I deleted a bunch of my stuff because I'm just like that. I get upset, I vent, I walk away. Recently I have been thinking about Brandon a lot. I miss him so much. I tried to move on, but I can't. I don't want to hear from people that haven't had this kind of loss tell me how everything will be ok and things will get better. You don't know if you haven't been through it. I lost my best friend. I lost the best husband you could have ever wanted. He was a wonderful human being that people loved to talk to and be around, and he chose me to spend all of his time with. He loved me. He wanted to make me happy and safe, and comfortable. He put up with my mood swings and erratic behavior, and held me when I got out of hand, knowing that that's what I needed and wanted. Now, I just want to sleep. I am only breathing because of my children. If I didn't have kids, I would never wake again. I would end it all.